SOMETHING FOR YOUR FORMER FRIENDS

Dear Liberal mush brain,
The intent of this letter is to duly inform you that our friendship/acquaintance has been terminated due to un-reconcilable differences. I, under good conscience, can no longer associate with Libtard Marxist, Socialist, Monarchist, Eutopianistic, irresponsible, limp-wristed, loose moraled buffoons.

With this notifications comes the line in the sand.

DO NOT:
Step on my property
Indoctrinate my children
Call my phones
Act like you know me

FEEL FREE TO:
Continue to absently drool on yourself
Give your own damn money away
Move out of my State
Hug a tree (just not mine)

IN THE EVENT WE ACCIDENTALLY COME INTO CONTACT:
You will slowly back away (I am a Bible thumping, gun toting American)
You will retain all solids and fluids
I will act as if you don’t exist
I will not forcefully subdue you to the point of making you dampen and soil your undergarments

IN THE EVENT YOU CONFRONT ME:
You better be prepared to reverse the second statement of the previous event

SHOULD YOU FIND THE LIGHT:
I will determine if it is factual
If not (reference previous event)
If yes, this document shall be null and void
With all sincerity (don’t test it)

Your former friend/acquaintance

X_______________________

h/t Mike Church